My three year old and I were playing outside last weekend catching leaves that were falling from the trees. His belly laughs broke through the silence of a quiet Saturday afternoon and we were both smiling from ear to ear. We hadn’t shared a fun and effortless moment like this for months. For the past 9 months my energy has been spent facing twin pregnancy challenges. I couldn’t let myself dwell on it at the time, but looking back on it I can now admit that it’s been the hardest year of my life. Not only because of the physical challenges my body went through, but also because I know how much it impacted my family. Especially my three year old. As it turns out Cole has been my patient and resilient little hero. We’ve been best buds and spent every day together since the day he was born. And then this:
Mommy can’t play right now because her belly is sick.
Mommy can’t snuggle in your bed tonight because her back hurts.
Mommy can’t come home tonight because she’s at the hospital.
Mommy can’t go to the park with you because she has to stay in bed today.
Talk about turning his world upside down. Yes there were tears… but he took it all in stride. I can’t tell you how hard it was to say no to my son over and over again. I felt like I was breaking little pieces of his heart little by little! Through it all, I love my little boy for opening his arms and embracing every person that stepped through our door to help and be there for him when I couldn’t.
The other night we were reading a story before bedtime. He looked up at me and said, “It makes me sad when you have babies in your belly and can’t play with me.” I told him that thankfully our babies are safe with us at home now and we love them so much. And that mommy will never have babies in her belly ever again (!!!) and I will always be able to play with him and the twins.
Cole has never taken any of his frustration out on the twins. Every night when I was pregnant he would kiss my belly on both sides and say goodnight to his brother and sister. Now that they are here he is such a proud big brother! He giggles at them, gives kisses and loves to snuggle. He wants Claire and Owen to be a part of bath time and story time. He loves for them to be in the playroom to watch him play with toys. My heart feels like it could burst with pride when I think about what an amazing boy he is!
So this is my thank you to my big boy, Cole. As we always say to each other…I love you to the moon and back. 🙂